What's the difference and what do we need?
Many couples reach a point in their relationship where they admit to themselves:
We need help!
We can’t seem to make progress on our own…
But what’s next?
The internet offers many options…
Couples therapy?
Couples coaching?
Couples counseling?
What do we actually need?
In this article, we want to discuss the differences between couples therapy and couples coaching, introduce various methods, and provide an overview of how we specifically work with couples.
But before we go into depth, first of all: Even if the original terms have a different focus, the distinction is rather difficult in practice and most coaches and therapists (like us) use a mixture of both approaches.
Classically, the focus in couples therapy is more on identifying and solving existing problems and conflicts in the relationship. It focuses on healing emotional injuries (from relationships or childhood) and underlying relationship dynamics.
Couples coaching, on the other hand, focuses more on improving the relationship and developing new skills and strategies for growing together and achieving common goals.
It is about working out very practical solutions, improving communication, overcoming conflicts, creating more closeness and intimacy and thus strengthening the relationship.
So if you have the feeling that for your relationship it is mainly about taking more time for each other, talking more openly to each other and creating more space for physicality, then couple coaching is certainly the right choice.
However, if you are stuck in serious conflicts, have experienced abuse, have deep hurts between you, are struggling with addiction, or are experiencing the recurring triggering of old childhood issues, couples therapy is more likely to be the right choice.
It is important to know that the term “couples therapy” is not protected. This means that, in general, any therapist or coach can use the term “couples therapy” to describe their services for working with couples.
Personally, we are mainly couples coaches who have, however, completed various therapeutic training courses. The focus of our work is to bring more lightness and connection into the shared love life, but since deeper emotional issues can often arise on the way there, we naturally also work on these in our coaching sessions.
Couples therapy approach we use: Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy is about understanding, exploring and transforming the emotional dynamics between partners.
EFT is a powerful tool that helps couples deepen their emotional connection and resolve conflict. It recognizes that emotions are at the core of our experiences and that they play a significant role in shaping our relationships.
Some key principles of Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy are:
- Emotional Awareness: This method encourages couples to become more aware of their own and their partner’s emotions. By understanding and validating these emotions, couples can create a safe and supportive environment for each other.
- Emotional Expression: EFT places great emphasis on expressing emotions in a healthy and constructive way. It helps couples communicate their needs, desires and vulnerabilities, fostering deeper understanding and stronger connection.
- Emotion Regulation: This therapy equips couples with effective strategies to regulate intense emotions and manage conflict. It helps partners regulate their emotions, which leads to healthier communication and problem-solving.
EFT helps couples to create secure attachments, heal past hurts, and create a loving and fulfilling relationship.
Couple coaching methods we use
Depending on what suits you personally and your current situation best, we use different coaching methods such as NLP, constellation work, systemic work, inner child work, NVC (non-violent communication) or of course many methods from Tantra, such as meditation, mindfulness-based couples coaching, body-oriented approaches and energy work.
Because we have done our own research and dove into Tantra and our own relationship for years, we have this broad box of tools to work with.
It is important to us to address all levels in our couple coaching and to solve challenges holistically: on a physical, energetical, emotional and mental level. And if necessary also on a soul/spiritual level.
In online couple coaching, we work together to find the way to your dream relationship.
We work intensively and very individually on your specific challenges in the relationship.
We bring awareness into existing patterns, dynamics and trigger issues in your relationship and explore together how you can support each other to heal old wounds, act more consciously, stay connected, grow together and strengthen love.
How does a couple coaching with us work?
To get started, you have the opportunity to have a free introductory meeting with me. There the two of you and I get a feeling for whether we can imagine working together and what it could look like.
The first coaching session is usually about defining your shared desires for your relationship again, if it is not yet clear.
After that, we usually do two individual sessions, in which everyone can work separately on their individual topics.
In the following couple coaching calls, the aim is to work out concrete solution steps and to integrate them step by step into everyday life together.
The couple coaching takes place online via Zoom. The advantage of this is that it can be done comfortably from home, you don’t have to travel long distances, the sessions can also take place in the evenings when the children are sleeping and you don’t have to take any additional care or vacation. With the help of the camera, I can also accompany your process online.
Which topics are well suited?
The online couple coaching with us is perfect if you…
- have grown apart and work more like a team than lovers
- have become emotionally distant from each other or fight a lot and want to strengthen the love for each other again
- wish for more emotional depth and connection between each other
- are caught in certain communication patterns and don’t know how to break them
- want to rekindle your lust and passion and want to strengthen the attraction to each other again
- have different levels of sexual desire and experience that as a strain on your relationship
- have difficulty talking openly about your wants and needs (in bed).
- want to overcome the standard repertoire and routine in sexuality and discover something new together
- have enough of goal orientation and expectation pressure in bed and want to turn sex back into a source of lightness, joy and connection
If you have the feeling that this could be helpful for your relationship, your current wishes and challenges, we warmly invite you to book a free consultation with us.